~ Lyet's Nook in the Wall ~

:: Thursday, February 13, 2003 ::

Urg, I hate it when the damn blogger breaks and I lose my whole entry. Here I go again.

Today this woman comes in and buys some books. No big surprise there. But when I ask her about the preferred reader card, she says, "I don't give out my information." I explain to her that I can ensure no one receives her information, but she says, "Oh no, I don't even want you people to have it." Then she smiles, quite smugly, and says, "I don't get any junk mail and I'm quite happy."

Well good for you, but I have some news for you. YOU AREN'T THAT IMPORTANT. Frankly, look at it this way: if I were a thief, would you be a good victim? Does someone REALLY want your $20,000 in consumer debt? I mean, come on, people. There's this odd idea that the world is full of people that are out to get you, just you, because you're somehow special. You aren't special. You're middle-class, you work 40 hours a week, you drive a shitty car, and you're pretty damn uninteresting. Okay, once in a while someone's identity will get "stolen," but I doubt it's because she put her address down on a preferred reader's card.

I wanted to ask this woman: did you go to college? Do you have a driver's license? Have you ever entered Publisher's Clearing House? Anyone who wants your identity can get it, and really, you should just save the 10% with the card and stop being a hardass about it. Your squalling infant is going to grow up to be an annoying eight year old who's going to broadcast your personal information all over the candy bar drive sheet, anyway, and it all will have been for naught.

I also hate people with no communication skills. Yesterday this guy comes up to me, 40ish, normal looking, and says, "Anthony Provost." It may have been another name, but I'm just making that one up here. He does not say, "Hello," or "How are you," or "Can you help me find a book?" He just says, "Anthony Provost," like we're in some sort of film noir espionage thriller and this is the code phrase. I walk over to the computer and whittle him down with questions. It comes out that Anthony Provost is the author's name, he does not know the title of the book, and yes, he is an inconsiderate person who treats retail employees like internet search engines. But I found his book and sent him on his merry way.

I think, if I had it to do over, I would have responded with "The eagle flies at midnight" and learned some Russian military secrets.

Fun stereotype of the day: teenie-boppers. They prance in, somehow having fallen off-course on their way to Deb and The Limited Too. They sweep toward the magazines, a wave of poofy-sweatered flare-jeaned thong-wearing pre-pubescent bottle blondes, obviously frightened of the big, scary books, and grab the latest issues of Cosmo and Glamour to learn how to orally satisfy their 14 year old boyfriends. To these girls I say: please, read something older than you are. And don't breed.
:: Leah 7:56 PM ::
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So I changed stores recently. I've been looking to transfer to the Waldenbooks closer to home, and finally something opened up, making my commute a whole lot more pleasant (and short!). I've learned so far that some things are universal no matter what store you're in.

Since when is closing time a variable number? I don't know that I've ever been to a store where it said "Open 10 - 9:30, unless you REALLY need to find a book, in which case we'll stay open until 9:45, or until you're done looking." 9:30 means 9:30, and you'd better be out of the store by then.

I think we should be able to put people to work after 9:30. I just want to walk up to them and say, "Hey, thanks for sticking around to help out. While you're browsing the business section looking at books you have no intention to buy, why don't you take this vacuum and clean up the floor? Thanks." And then just walk away. Children can dust at an early age, and should be subject to the same rules. I have no tolerance for people who are so inconsiderate that they can't leave five minutes earlier to get to the store before we're ready to close.

We are not a library. We're very nice, and we'll let you browse until closing, but please do not read the entire book in the store. There's a woman, we'll call her M, who loves to special order romance novels from the warehouse. Not any romance novels, though: she orders in past monthlies.

There are a whole bunch of romance books that are designated "monthlies." They are the romance series books: the Harlequin, Regency, Silhouette, etc books that come out once a month and are numbered. Everyone has a whole month to pick out the ones they want. Then we destroy the unsold ones when the new month's come in.

M can't quite buy what she wants, so after the month has passed, she has us order in two or three monthlies from the warehouse, which we can usually do for a limited amount of time.

Two weeks ago M orders a book in, "Naked men who have huge muscles and a penchant for stereotypical female characters with no substance," or something like that. She calls about every other day to see if it's in. M works in the mall, mind you, and stops in almost every day, but has to call anyway. Finally I call her when her book comes in this past week. She comes in the next day and takes it into the romance section, where she sits for approximately three hours, blocking the entire "N" section of Fiction behind her. She then brings the book to me, the poor little paperback whose spine has been split in two places, and says, "I'm not going to take it. It's not that good."

She'd know, because she read the WHOLE DAMN BOOK in the section! Don't tell me it takes more than three hours to read one of those little smut parcels. I can read em in two and a half and M is much more accomplished than I. Anyway, I told my manager, and she said she was going to have a little talk with M if this continues.

Ha, M. Buy your smut one month at a time like everyone else.
:: Leah 11:49 AM ::
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We have a teacher discount at Waldenbooks. It's called a W.I.S.E. Account. I don't know what the letters stand for, but Waldenbooks has an acronym for everything. The card is great; it's 20% off any books for classroom use.

Let me say that again. It's 20% off any books for CLASSROOM USE.

I am NOT fooled when you come up to the counter with a stack of Harlequin romance novels and three Lindor truffles, then slap your WISE card down in front of me and ask for your teacher discount. Of course, I have to give it to you, you obnoxious sod. Unless you're reading a bodice-ripper to your fourth grade class as an introduction to sex ed, you are NOT using those books for your classroom, and you should stop being a cheapskate and pay that damn 20% that everybody else has to pay. It really irks me, but all I can do is smile and tell you to have a nice day. But I'll definitely talk about you after you leave.

I don't like it when people treat me or my coworkers like idiots and try to take advantage of us. Case one: guy comes up to the counter. He just came from the audiobooks section, where everyone saw him browsing. He hands the bookseller an eighty dollar "Lord of the Rings" CD collection and says, "I'd like to return this. I lost my receipt."

This is what we do, all you would-be thieves out there. We walk three steps to our right and look in the computer under that ISBN number. It will say, likely, that we have 1 copy in our store, and we last sold it, oh, three months ago. At this point, we look at you like you are an IDIOT. We take you to the audiobooks section and point to the big hole right where "Tolkein" would go, and we say, "Our computer says we have one copy in the store, and unfortunately, this return of yours seems to be the only one here. I'm afraid I will need to see two forms of identification before I can do this return for you."

This is your clue to make a deft escape. You have an out, here. Most would-be thieves "forgot" their ID in their car, and we graciously offer to hold the audiobook until they return. They don't return.

Case two: Preferred Reader fraud. Guy comes up to the counter to buy a book. My coworker J asks if he has a preferred reader's card. The guy says, "Yeah, but I don't have my card." We can look you up in our computer, so J asks for the guy's name. He gives us the name of a main character in one of the sci-fi books he was buying.

J had already read the series. He smiles at the guy and says, "Wow, you have the same name as the character in this book! What a coincidence." Of course, the guy isn't in the computer under that name. He was just hoping we wouldn't check or something. Next time he came in, I'm glad to say he actually bought the card. Don't try to scam us by giving names out of books. We work in a bookstore, you moron. We read.
:: Leah 8:27 PM ::
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Every month we get a returns list downloaded to our computers. We go through and scan the whole store, and some books go back entirely or get stocked down to only a few copies. It's the best part of working at a bookstore. It's kind of sick, really, but when I get ahold of that little receiving gun, it's like they've given me The Power. There's nothing as satisfying as hearing that little whoop-whoop noise it makes when you scan something that's going back. When something goes back where we have a million copies, like, say, Tom Clancy, it's cause for celebration. It'll be all quiet, and then you'll hear one of us holler "Hey! Red Rabbit's being stocked down to FOUR!!!" And there will be much rejoicing. Because really, we get enough stock for a store twice our size, and there's no place to put it all.

Sometimes, though, it's rather sad. Like when my coworker C comes up to me. She looks down at the book in her hand, then up at me, and says, "This is a Pulitzer Prize winning novel, and it's going back because it's not selling. On the other hand, we have 40 copies of Nora Roberts's newest book, and none of them are going back." And it's true.

Stephen King and Nora Roberts are literary whores. They serve a purpose, and people go to them for a quick fix, but really, there's no relationship formed. It's wham, bam, thank you ma'am, or like an addict shooting up for a brief high. No one really thinks they write great literature (or if you do, you shouldn't), but they're popular and they're insanely prolific. Nora Roberts, or should I say "Nora Roberts" comes out with a new book almost every month. She's not writing them. You have to be a brain-dead giraffe to think that she's writing them. Nora Roberts has ghost writers, probably a fleet of them, and the only thing she has to do is stand leaning against the doorway of her home looking smug.

Stephen King does his own writing, but still, I don't think he brings much more to the table than Nora Roberts does. A quick, brief high, then nothing. Like crashing from too much caffeine. Those of you out there who worship the guy, well, all the power to you, but if you had to shelve EITHER of these people's million books, you'd hate them too.
:: Leah 8:12 PM ::
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Pre-Christmas Harangue: Why you should shop before Thanksgiving

Okay, so sometimes we make mistakes. We're human. This woman wanted a copy of "A Long Strange Trip," which is about the Grateful Dead. It's a popular book. My manager took the order, but he screwed it up a little (which happens to all of us). See, first of all, she was really mad that two weeks before Christmas, we didn't have the book she wanted. Because she, and only she, deserves to get whatever she wants right before Christmas. Our Special Orders take 7 to 10 days to come in. Hers, however, was ordered wrong. So the wrong book came in.

I got to deal with her. It was our mistake. I explained it kindly, and told her that we could get her another copy, but it would take 7 to 10 more days. I was also really nice and I apologized profusely. Understandably, she was upset, because she needed it for that coming Tuesday. (Some party or something. I don't know.) I called two other Waldenbooks for her, but no one had it. Then she sees a copy in the Special Order cabinet, and her eyes light up.

She asked me if she could have the other person's book. I explained to her politely that no, she could not have someone else's order. Her logic was that they probably needed it for Christmas, and since she needed it for Tuesday, she should get it. I explained to her (as nicely as possible) that they ordered it BEFORE her, which means that THEY get first dibs. She was infuriated that we wouldn't sell her someone else's book, because she was oh so very special. Eventually, to shut her up, I called Barnes and Noble and had them hold a copy for her.

This is the best part: then she went out to the little Day by Day Calendar Kiosk outside our store. We run it. We staff it, we own it, and it's Waldenbooks money when you buy something from it. She buys about three calendars and spends her entire checkout time bitching to the woman at the register (our staff member) about how terrible Waldenbooks is because we wouldn't sell her the other person's book, and how she's never shopping there again. She leaves the calendar kiosk after dropping about fifty dollars into Waldenbooks' pocket.


:: Leah 12:34 AM ::
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What in the hell possesses you to call a bookstore and ask if we have a book if you don't know anything about the book? Knowing that it's about a boy who didn't like his mom and that the author's first name is "Diane" doesn't help very much. We always have people who do this. They do it when they come into the store, too.

Customer: "Excuse me, do you have that new book?"
Me: "And which book would that be?"
Customer: "The new one. It's by that guy, you know the one... he was on the Today show a couple of months ago."
Me, trying to be helpful: "Hmm, do you know the title?"
Customer: "No, I can't remember. I wrote it down, but it's at home. I think the word 'girl' was in the title. Or it might have been 'woman' or 'lady,' but definitely one of those words."
Me, a little more annoyed: "Do you know the author's name?"
Customer: "No, but you know the guy. Don't you watch the Today show?"
Me: "Sorry, I must have missed it." Thinking: I work a job, actually. I don't just sit on my ass and watch TV.
Customer: "*sigh* It has a blue cover."
What I'd like to say at this point is "Ooh, let me just look in our computer. I'll just type in 'books that are blue' and see what comes up!"

Sometimes I actually know what book they mean, and that scares me even more.
:: Leah 12:24 AM ::
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Let's talk about working retail a little bit, shall we?

There are some people that come into Waldenbooks that just want to feel better about themselves. Fine. We have self-help books for that, and I can recommend some good ones. But then there are those who have to do it by making someone else feel like shit. Namely, those of us behind the counter. Really, is it necessary? Do you need to yell at me, just because you can?

If you insult someone who works in our store, we're all just going to talk about you behind your back. We're going to talk about your lack of a love life, your insignificant job, and (if you're male) the miniscule size of your penis. Wouldn't it be better just to be nice?

There's a woman who comes in every week or so, we'll call her Dragon Woman. I call her Dragon Woman because of my coworker's accurate description: when she comes into the store, it's like when the dragon enters the screen on your video game. Everything gets dark, and ominous music plays, and everyone wants to escape from the dragon.

Dragon Woman has been coming to Waldenbooks for years now. She works in Filene's. She spends hundreds of dollars here, but she won't get the Preferred Reader's card.

Let me explain the Preferred Reader's card to you. It costs you ten dollars a year. For this ten dollars, you save 10% on everything in the store (except magazines and gift certificates). Also, every dollar you spend is a point, and every 100 points we send you a $5 gift certificate. It's actually a pretty sweet deal, unless you're a neanderthal who doesn't read more than a few books a year.

Okay, so back to Dragon Lady. Dragon Lady refuses to get the card. She'll spend, like, $80 on books, then won't pay the extra $2 for the card. Why? We don't know. One year a store manager bought her the card. She came in all the time with those $5 certificates coming out of the wazoo. When it came time to renew, she wouldn't renew. I think she's a little crazy, personally.
:: Leah 12:05 AM ::
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It is a good and happy thing when friends get engaged!! Happiness is contagious, and good things attract more good things, and a rising tide raises all ships! YAY for weddings and rings and girlie things!!
:: Leah 12:01 AM ::
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So, I paid some bills last night. It was a rather exciting experience as I could check off all the amounts on my calendar. If I can come up with an extra $130 this month, I can even make my rent! Yay!
:: Leah 8:50 AM ::
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VirtualStapler.com : Revolutionary Online Stapler Simulation

This makes me happy.
:: Leah 11:23 PM ::
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We did it! We moved to our new server. Now we're at AT&T. For now, I'm just going to leave the site up on both places, but I'm going to put a new link up where my old index page used to be. Yay! It's exciting. Look for daily (or at least frequent) updates. And hot sex. Maybe. But definitely updates.
:: Leah 1:13 AM ::
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*We're moving!!*

Okay, so this site is in the process of moving OFF the UMass server. Please, please, OFF the UMass server. We're moving to http://home.attbi.com/~lyet and we're moving there soon! So stay tuned. Yeah. Rawr.
:: Leah 12:33 AM ::
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